Regaining What's Lost
by temisita
Summary: Harry has just defeated Voldemort. Can he live his life or is he simply a doll in others' hands? pre-slash
1. Prologue

**Title:** Regaining What's Lost (Book 1)**  
Pairing(s):** Harry Potter/Severus Snape (pre-slash), Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley  
**Rating:** M  
**Summary:** Harry has just defeated Voldemort. Can he live his life or is he simply a doll in others' hands?  
**Disclaimer: **Sadly, Harry and Snape are not mine. I just borrowed them to play a bit.

**Notes: **While reading numerous fics, I always thought I would change this, I would do that differently... But somehow even having lots of ideas I could never find time to write something. However after getting my Master's degree, I decided – enough excuses. So this is my first try. By the way, English is not my native language, so I apologize for any mistakes I'll make.

**Prologue**

**February 18, 1997 **

**The Burrow**

It was a rather late February's morning. Everything was covered by a thick blanket of white snow. Outside the window snowflakes were swirling in a slow dance. The morning seemed quiet and peaceful…

A cup of hot chocolate with a spoon gently stirring it stood on an old wooden kitchen table. The table had a long history – scratches, inscriptions of "Bill and Charlie – the greatest warriors of all times", "Weasley is Our King", limericks, a drawing of a boy becoming a huge canary and many other signs... Besides the table in a comfortable battered armchair was sitting a plump red-haired woman. Not quite young but not old either. She was occasionally drinking hot chocolate and thinking quite intently…

Molly Weasley was planning the futures of her children. First of all, her oldest. William. Molly was pleased to have managed to get her son back in England. Egypt was so far away… Who knew what could happen there and Molly would not be able to make it alright. No matter, her son was finally home. However, there was another problem. A huge problem, indeed. The French hussy. William was determined to marry that stuck-up, arrogant veela. Molly tried her best to discourage her son but he stubbornly stuck to his decision. He even had had the nerve to ask for Molly's grandmother's ring which was passed through the generations!

No, Molly could not let him make the biggest mistake in his life. She loved her oldest too much…

_Well well_, Molly thought, _when William brings the veela home, perhaps it will be just the time to brew some herbal tea and have a little talk…_

Then, there was Charles. Oh, how many nights of worry he brought to his mother… He was somewhere in Romania. With dragons! No, it would not stay this way if Molly had her say about it. Her second boy obviously loved magical animals, so why not work in a pet shop? It was much safer. But no, Charles had to go somewhere far away and risk his life in danger.

Fortunately, Molly had already had a wonderful idea. Charles could teach the Care of Magical Creatures! It would be a very respectable job, well paid, not far from home. Molly had already talked to Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts, and he said he would be pleased to welcome her son in the castle. Admittedly, Rubeus Hagrid was the current teacher of the Care of Magical Creatures but Dumbledore assured her that he would arrange everything for the next school year. _Well, of course, he would! Rubeus is a kind-hearted individual but he's still a half-giant. My Charles is much more suitable to teach children in such a prestigious school._

_It is so good to have __a powerful person on your side_, thought Molly. _Thank god, I was smart enough to do him some favours. Arthur would have never agreed and where would we be now?_

Yes, the job would come along nicely. Molly had just enough time to convince her son take it. Alas, Charles had another problem. _It was all those dragon keepers' fault. They filled my child's head with nonsense. _Molly furiously banged the cup on the table. For Charlie Weasley was convinced he was gay.

_I'm sure when Charles comes home and out of those people influence, he'll come around and get himself a proper girl_, Molly assured herself. And she already had a girl in Tonks would be a great choice. The girl was a bit clumsy but she had a good family. She was one of Blacks, even if her father _was_ a muggleborn. She was a metamorphagus and an auror. Nymphadora was one of Charles' classmates and they were good friends. Of course, Molly knew the girl was enamoured with Remus Lupin but really who would choose a jobless werewolf over her son?

Moreover, Nymphadora Tonks had another advantage. In his will Sirius Black left her quite a sum. _Which will be used to build their house near the Burrow,_ Molly smiled fondly.

Percival. Molly was incredibly proud of her third son. Junior Assistant to the Minister for Magic! _Few years later he could become the Minister himself_, Molly contemplated. _Now that I've gotten rid of that muggleborn Clearwater girl, no more difficulties to his career. Audrey, such a sweet girl…Now where did I put that letter?_

Molly scanned through the kitchen but the letter was nowhere in sight. She tried to _accio _it but was not successful. She checked the cupboards, every single drawer, even the fireplace. Regrettably, it wasn't there. Finally, her eye caught the clock. _Aha, I remember now! George suddenly dropped in for some kind of that nonsense twins left here and I had to hide it quickly._

Molly crouched down and opened a small secret drawer that no one else knew existed. It magically expanded when pulled out. She rummaged around for a bit because there were a lot of useful objects – few old but still very valuable letters, an encrusted ring, a book called _The Magical Poisonous Plants And More_, a magical knife and several bags of herbs. Finally she pulled out Audrey's letter. It was written on a pink parchment, decorated with dark red flower motives that swayed gently as if ruffled by wind. The letter smelled of roses. All in all, it was a nice letter, very appropriate for a young well-bred pureblood woman. Molly carefully opened it and read it twice before sighing contentedly. _It seems Percival has finally started reacting to Audrey's charms. Just as I thought…_

By now Molly's musings reached the most problematic, unmanageable and hard-headed children of her family. The twins. Why the boys had to be so difficult, she had no idea. They dropped out of the school and were planning to open a joke shop! And they even refused to take their NEWTS even though Molly put so much effort into arranging everything with the Headmaster!

_I wish I knew where I went wrong with their upbringing…Regrettably Arthur refuses to use his influential contacts in the Ministry. He could easily find them upstanding positions. Arthur repetitiously refers to his principl__es and moral code but these are his children! I need to press him some more…_

Ronald. Her youngest of sons. Molly smiled softly. She had been so sure that the boy would have lots of troubles in the school being the youngest son and having inferiority complex… But one well placed suggestion and there he was – The Best Friend of Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, the Saviour, the Defeater of You-Know-Who.

_Ronald will have a great future. Harry would never let anything bad happen to him. _

There was only one left to think of. Her smallest, most precious child, her baby girl. Ginevra. Molly's heart filled with joy and pride. Ginevra was beautiful, intelligent and compassionate. There was not a single bad bone in her body.

_Oh, the future Mrs. Potter… I cannot wait to see the day when they get married. All those gossipmongers will have to bite their tongues, they'll eat their poisonous words, their thin-veiled insults of our poverty and numerous children. Will they have Harry Potter, the Saviour, as their son-in-law? No, they won't. Will they be able to use his considerable wealth and influence? Of course, not. It will be only us, his immediate family, able to share everything with him…_

Of course, to have this bright future Molly had to handle everything very delicately. But she was confident she would succeed. After all, Harry was already a part of her family. _Such a sweet boy. He regrettably has some undesirable traits but I'll straighten him out. Only the best for my Ginevra. Now that he defeated You-Know-Who in the Ministry of Magic last year, there is no more danger for my girl to be with him._

Suddenly Molly's thoughts took an unpleasant turn. _What of Hermione Granger? _Molly was quite convinced that the girl was making cow eyes at Harry. And why wouldn't she? If she managed to capture Harry, her lowly status would be immediately forgotten. She would become rich and desirable despite being a poor muggleborn girl with no money, no looks and no manners. _And that will not do, will not do at all. No girl will steal what belongs to my Ginevra. _To make it worse, Ronald seemed to have a crush on her. _Ah, boys will boys. I'm positive he'll cool off once he copulates with her. Those shameless muggle girls are incredibly fast to let anyone use their bodies…_

A forgotten cup of hot chocolate had cooled down long ago, the spoon had stopped stirring and snowflakes had stopped swirling outside the frosted window but the red-haired woman was still thinking intently – planning the bright futures of her beloved children…


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**September 3, 1996**

**Head of Slytherin's Office****, Hogwarts Castle**

Cloudy Tuesday afternoon found Severus Snape merrily correcting the summer homework of the current third years (and abundantly using his deep red ink) when hurried knocking interrupted this highly enjoyable process.

"Professor Snape, come quick!"- Peter Davis, one of his fifth years, was breathing rapidly and words seemingly tumbled out of his mouth.-"Malfoy and Potter are fighting again!"

Severus raised an eyebrow. It was not a particularly rare event.

"Potter seems really angry and the walls are shaking and the window all broke and some things are floating in the air! People are saying he'll kill Malfoy!"

Severus stood abruptly.-"Where are they?"

"On the third floor by the Charms' classroom…"- Peter had not yet finished the sentence and professor was already stalking past him and out of the office. He was left standing alone gaping stupidly and feeling flustered.

**Third Floor, Hogwarts Castle**

Severus was cursing himself while he hurried down the corridor. He should've predicted this. He was a Head of Slytherin, for God's sake!

There was a crowd of children from all houses, shouting, laughing and generally making considerable racket. When the students saw him coming, the noise ceased abruptly and they parted hastily to let him through to the centre of commotion where shouts and curses were still flying. Walking towards Potter and Draco, Severus started feeling lighter, almost gliding in the air.

"You're pathetic, Potter! Just like your stupid dogfather was! He was put down like the dog he was! And you couldn't even save him! What kind of hero are you? I bet you didn't even kill the Dark Lord! Did Dumbledore do it for you, Scarhead?"

Severus cringed inwardly. It seemed like Draco had lost his mind. He glanced at Potter. The boy was shaking, his hands were curled into fists and the air around him was vibrating. Shards of glass, books, parchments, quills and other students' items were floating around. Even students seemed to be fighting the force of gravity – some were jumping higher than usually possible, slowly descending on the ground and repeating the pattern again and again. The children did not seem to realize the danger they were in. And where was Filius?

"Malfoy, Potter, what are you doing fighting in the corridors? Cease it immediately."- The boys startled not expecting to hear the Potions Master.-"Come with me."

He turned around and strode back to his office his black robes billowing ominously. Both boys hesitated but after few seconds followed after the professor. The feeling of lightness slowly dissipated.

Severus sighed inwardly feeling relieved. He hadn't been sure Potter would react to him. In that condition he could've easily killed Draco. Thankfully, he hadn't been too far gone.

**Head of Slytherin's Office****, Hogwarts Castle**

"What were you two thinking? I'll tell you what! You were not thinking at all! Acting like dunderheads! Fighting like thick-skulled oafs!"- The Potions Master was hurtling the insults at them. His voice was low, cold and menacing. Draco stared at him stonily while Potter gazed at the quill lying on the floor like it was the most engrossing thing in the world. Severus could see his speech wasn't doing any wonders.-"Well? Explain yourselves"

Harry was feeling quite dazed. He wasn't quite sure what exactly happened. One minute he was walking to the Charms with Ron, the next – he was furious and ready to murder Malfoy, and now – he was in the Snape's office listening to Snape dressing down him. _Them_. He glanced at Malfoy who did not seem the least affected. _Of course, he's not. Snape wouldn't care even if his fucking Slytherins killed us all. He's only concerned about the reputation of his house. I'm sure Malfoy will get off lightly. Me, on the other hand…Snape is going to kill me._

It seemed Snape had lost any hope of them answering while Harry had been thinking over his situation and was giving their punishment.-"…and a hundred points from each of you should be a suitable penalty. I'm fairly certain you know that it will put both your houses into minus points and the reaction of your housemates should be much more severe punishment than any detention I could think of. But make no mistake",- Harry shuddered at the threat in Snape's voice,- "should this obnoxious behaviour continue, you'll wish you were never born. Dismissed."

Malfoy flashed a glare at Harry and left swiftly. Harry sluggishly followed and found himself outside Snape's office feeling totally confused. _Only a hundred points and one death threat? No two-month length detention? No scrubbing poisonous cauldrons? No chopping, slicing, dicing, squashing or grinding disgusting slimy things? What's wrong with Snape?_

_And what's wrong with me? Why am I still standing here? Even Malfoy left the minute he was out._

Harry hurried back to the Gryffindor tower when suddenly a single thought immobilized him. _A hundred points? Shit! I'm so dead!_

**Head of Slytherin's Rooms, Hogwarts Castle**

"Severus, I'm deeply grateful you called me immediately after this incident occurred but there is no reason to be concerned",- Lucius' voice was smooth and steady but Severus saw little details that told him clearly how troubled Lucius actually felt. The blond aristocrat loved his only son and heir dearly and constantly worried about him.

"Lucius…"- Severus was interrupted by knocking.-"Come in."

A smaller blond copy stepped in to the room. The boy nodded at them.-"Professor, Father."

"I'll leave you to talk,"- the Potions Master nodded to Lucius and left to his personal library. Lucius appraised his son. Draco seemed cool and confident. So very much a pureblood heir. Immaculate clothes, perfect posture, not a hair out of place, and only his restless stormy eyes betrayed him.

"Father? Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Your godfather told me about today's unfortunate… occurrence."

"It was just the usual dispute between me and Potter. I'm not sure why godfather felt it necessary to notify you",- Draco shrugged.

"It was necessary because you acted irresponsibly. You taunted _Harry Potter_. He could have killed you,"- Lucius pointed out agitatedly.

"Potter? He couldn't hurt a fly,"- Draco dismissed his father's concerns.

"Draco, listen to me. Harry Potter is the most powerful wizard in the world. It does not matter how he acts at school, what his grades are, what friends he keeps. What matters is that he single-handedly defeated the Dark Lord…"

"It's just a dumb luck,"- Draco interrupted.

"He defeated the Dark Lord _five times_,"- Lucius continued smoothly.-"_That_ is not a dumb luck. I don't know what it is that Potter has, but it _never_ fails him. For now he is considered the most powerful and influential person in the Wizarding world."

Draco scoffed.

"Draco, I don't care if you loath Potter. I managed to partially convince Wizengamot of our innocence with some well-placed bribes but our social standing is still very ambiguous. It would do wonders if you could befriend Potter. If you can't, I only ask of you to be polite, courteous and not to antagonize him."- Lucius gazed at his son until he sullenly nodded. It was highly time Draco understood that his personal beliefs, likes and dislikes should not affect his actions, especially those of political importance.-"Now that we cleared it up, there's something I brought you"

Lucius drew a small ornate box from his pocket and presented it to Draco. He watched as his son carefully opened the box and his face lit up with childish joy. The box contained a delicate Chinese dragon from nephrite. The dragon lifted its head, sniffed the offered finger and gingerly climbed on it. Draco was enraptured. For as long as Lucius could remember Draco collected dragons. He had hundreds in his collection but every new object fascinated him. Lucius, on the other hand, greedily collected the rare moments of his son's heartfelt happiness.

Draco watched as the tiny dragon wrapped its tail around his finger and became a rather impressive ring.

"It contains an ancient protection spell, so you should be safe from malicious classmates,"- explained Lucius.

Draco cleared his voice.-"Thank you, Father. It's magnificent"

He lifted his head to look at his father. They weren't a touchy family by any means and they didn't exchange affectionate phrases. It was the actions that told how much they cared about each other. He remembered the summer when his father sat with him and explained about the Dark Lord and his past mistakes. About his naïve idealism and enthusiasm. And his disappointment, fear and terror when he realised what it meant to be a Death Eater. And his hope that Draco would never have to make such choices and regret his actions. It was the summer a year ago when the Dark Lord returned.

"I must go. I have a meeting in an hour,"- Lucius pulled his son out of past reflections.-"Don't forget to write to your mother at least once a week. You know how she is."

"I will, Father,"- Draco nodded at his father who stepped in to the Floo and with a shout disappeared. The blond knocked on the library's door and, after thanking his godfather, he left stroking the tiny dragon on his finger.

**Gryffindor Sixth Year Boys****' Dormitory, Hogwarts Castle**

"A hundred points?"

"Potter does it again!"

"Harry, I'm so disappointed in you"

"You're such a loser"

"Now were minus 87 points!"

"What a bullshit!"

Even after lying on his comfy bed for two hours and seventeen minutes (he knew because he had counted), Harry could still hear his fellow Gryffindors' angry words in his head. He understood their frustration for losing so many points so early in the term. Still, they were all Gryffindors and knew perfectly well that Slytherins did every single thing they could to get them into trouble. His fellow mates didn't even care that Slytherins lost a hundred points as well.

_They're so angry w__ith me... Damn it! It's not like I went looking for trouble. As always, it found _me._ And I only wanted to have a peaceful school year. Like it's even possible for me…_

Harry sighed. His life has never been _normal_. He regretted that he couldn't remember his first year with parents but sometimes he felt relieved. After ten hollow and disappointing years with Dursleys and five years of overexciting events in the Wizarding world, he imagined it would be unbearable to remember those carefree days with his parents - how his mom dressed and fed him lovingly, how his dad played with him silly games, how happy they were to have each other.

_I wonder if they would blame for everything that happened. __If it weren't for me, they would still be alive… maybe have another child… They sacrificed themselves for me and died… just like Cedric… and Sirius… and so many others…God!_

Harry swallowed painful tears. The sense of guilt never left him these days. It seemed like he was drowning himself deeper and deeper into obscure void, unable to get out. He felt like an unwanted bystander watching his friends to live their lives, share happiness and pain, laugh and cry. Not an option for him anymore.

Ron was having the time of his life. After all his brothers left Hogwarts, he became more popular and befriended other people then Harry and Hermione. He grew closer with Seamus and Dean. They were almost inseparable these days. Girls from all houses (even Slytherins!) flirted with him. Harry had heard Ron already had few dates planned for the upcoming Hogsmeade weekends. Not that Ron had told him that. _I suppose he feels sorry that I have no dates and doesn't want to upset me…_

Hermione, on the other hand, threw herself into studies. She'd told him now that the threat of Voldemort was gone, she wanted to immerse herself completely into Wizarding culture and consider her future plans. Hermione hadn't decided yet if she wished to apprentice to some Master or get a higher education in the Muggle world but she wanted to keep all her options open. For that reason, she told Harry, she had to study even harder and that left her with very little free time.

So it seemed that Harry's two best friends had no more time for him. Harry supposed Neville and Luna could also be considered his friends but Luna was always so absent-minded and Neville had come out of his shell after the last year's events in the Ministry. He had other friends. Harry was painfully aware how little he interacted with people. After ten years with Dursleys, he usually felt shy and inferior around others and being famous only deepened this problem.

Then there was Ginny. She was nice, smart and funny but Harry thought she had a bit of crush on him and that made it hard for him to be in her company. Harry sometimes wondered why he didn't like her _that way_. She was beautiful, especially now that she had grown out of that awkward adolescence phase. An intelligent, outgoing and sensitive girl. Besides, Potter men always went after redheads. And Harry hadn't missed the hopeful glances of Mrs. Weasley.

Truthfully, Harry didn't really like anyone. He tried once but after that fourth-year fiasco he didn't think it was worth the trouble. He had noticed Cho smiling and waving at him, but after waving back he had never tried to talk to her or invite her to a date. Anything he might have once felt for her was gone. He couldn't even remember _why_ he liked her.

And nobody certainly liked _him_. Girls smiled at him and giggled when he went past them this year, but Harry supposed that was because they felt grateful to him for getting rid of Voldemort. _Why would anyone like me for myself? I'm nothing special. A scrawny boy with glasses, not very smart or talented, simply lucky… _

Harry had no idea what to do with his life now. He never thought he would live after the final confrontation with Voldemort so he had never made any plans. He had told McGonagall that he wanted to be an auror last year but now even the thought of injuring or killing another person made him feel sick.

Harry's grades weren't great so if he wanted to have options like Hermione, he'd have to pull himself together and spend a lot of time studying. Harry supposed that even if he failed he would be offered impressive jobs. Even now every other day he got a job offer. He truly didn't want that. There were many people that were much more worthy of these positions. Sometimes Harry thought it would be so much easier to leave the Wizarding world and stay with muggles. Not Dursleys, of course. They had had more than enough of each other already.

Last summer with Dursleys was agonizing. Dursleys hadn't forgotten the _Dementors_ by any meansand treated Harry abhorrently. Vernon shouted at him and smacked him constantly, Dudley pushed him down the stairs, slammed him into walls and sharp corners and Petunia assigned him the most unmanageable chores. They cut down on feeding him (only giving him scraps occasionally) and locked him in his room when he wasn't working. Harry ached all the time. His fatigued body was covered in bruises. On top of that he developed a fear of loud sounds and flinched frequently (that amused Vernon and Dudley to no end so they competed in making Harry to flinch more times).

Harry's nightmares tormented him every night. He couldn't sleep and rest properly often waking up in a sweat shivering violently. The guilt he felt threatened to swallow him. Harry didn't buy Dumbledore's placatory explanations that he had to stay with Dursleys because there were still uncaught Death Eaters but once in while he felt that this was his punishment for all his failures. Sometimes he even thought he deserved it.

During the summer Harry got only one measly letter from Ron telling how burdensome it was to live with his siblings and how lucky Harry was to have time to relax with no obnoxious brothers bothering him all the time (Harry laughed bitterly). Hermione wrote him occasionally from all the foreign countries she was travelling in with her parents. Harry read her letters jealously. Ron and Hermione were blessed to have loving families and it only deepened his sense of worthlessness when he thought about his own relatives.

So lost in his depressed musings, Harry didn't hear the door open and someone to step inside.

"Harry, how are you feeling?"

Startled he jumped and almost felt out of the bed. He scrambled to get up. Ginny smothered a giggle.

"Oh, hey, Ginny,"- Harry tried to smooth his unruly hair but had a little success. Ginny smiled.-"What are you doing here?"

She sat down next to him on his bed.

"I thought to go see for myself if you're alright. Don't worry about the house points. You know how they are – they'll grumble for a few days and then forget about it."

"But…"

"Harry, calm down. It's gonna be ok."

"Are you sure?"- he asked dubiously.

"Absolutely. Here, I brought you some hot chocolate. Drink it, it'll make you feel better. Mum always makes us some when we're sad,"- Harry gratefully took the steaming cup. He took a sip and (_Ginny was right!_) instantly felt better.

"Are they still angry?"

"A little bit. But I reminded how many points the twins lost and no one had ever said a word. And Snape is always out there to get you. But this time he had to punish Slytherins, too. So we're even. After these reminders they shut up."

"Thanks, Gin."

"It's nothing. I take care of my friends,"- she squeezed Harry's hand. A warm shiver ran through Harry. He noticed her lovely smile, enormous brown eyes and shining scarlet hair. She was beautiful.-"I won't bother you anymore. But don't forget, Harry, that you have friends to go to. Alright?"

Harry nodded and she left after giving him another heart-stopping smile. Sipping delicious hot chocolate, Harry thought that perhaps it would not be too hard to like Ginevra Weasley…


End file.
